Relationship Etiquette

After my time on this planet, I have had more relationships than the average person. Actually, I may be generous when I use the word “relationship”. There have been flings, one-night stands, prostitutes, girlfriends, side chicks, other nigga’s wives, and other interactions that I do not even have a name for. But, each relationship has shaped my views on women and what I expect from them, nothing. This is not to say that I treat women like shit, that is really not in my nature. In all actuality I believe I have treated every woman I have been in a relationship with better than they deserved to be treated. And like most people in life, a woman who is treated better than she deserves eventually believes she is entitled to that treatment. So, me being who I am, will often leave these women once their entitled views of themselves begin to outweigh their true value.  And I do not mean having a heartfelt discussion with these women, I go ghost. Because I feel that if I have treated a woman better than she has ever been treated, on top of treating her better than she deserves, I have no reason to explain to her why I no longer want to deal with her at all. 

I have never been in love. In my younger days I would lie to women and tell them I love them because at that age emotional attachment made them throw their morals out the window. If telling a woman I loved her could get my dick sucked at random times, I was down for the lie. The “love” lie stopped when I was in college. I was in a relationship with a young lady and she told me she could not suck my dick because she was saving her mouth for the man she would love and marry. At the foolish age of 20 I told her I loved her. She eventually hit me with a car.  From that point on I used the insinuation of love with women. I would never overtly tell them I loved them, but would do things to make them think the emotion existed. I learned not to play with a woman’s heart at that moment, mostly because I then realized that relationships exist because of only three reasons; emotional attachment, sex, or money. Emotional attachment is too irrational and unpredictable. A person who lets their emotions guide their actions scares the shit out of me. But, sex and money, so long as consistent, will properly guide a relationship. When I was younger, I had no choice but to use emotional attachment and sex for relationships, because I was a broke ass nigga. But When I got older, I made a conscious decision to allow sex and money control my interactions with women. When I’m ready to stop fucking a woman, I stop. When I’m ready to stop giving a woman money, I stop. And although harsh, these interactions with women are easier, leading to less stress in other aspects of my life.

Now, when I say less stress, I do not mean no stress. To me a relationship is like an experiment that you can only control so many variables of. And what I learn from one relationship, or interaction, I use in my next experiment. Now this may seem like a sociopathic trait to some people, I never tell women that I want anything more from them than sex. Therefore, their assumptions of us eventually having more is their own fault. And these assumptions have led to my terrible relations. 

The older I get the more disenchanted I become with the idea of being in a relationship. I think it is partly because I have become more selfish and partly because I no longer believe the value of a relationship outweighs the value of me being single. As a moderately successful Black man I get a lot of heat for being 40 and single. I remember one young lady asked me what was wrong with me for me to be single at my age. One lady asked me if I was gay because I continuously ignored her advances, essentially saying that I must like dick if I am not accepting sex from her. Well, the only thing wrong with me is that I have learned from my past experiences and I can see a problem from a mile away. Therefore, when I see traits in women that will lead to problems, I decide to respectfully distance myself from these women. No drama, no arguing, no explaining, just a phantom-like removal of myself from them. 

I do not mean I am selfish in the traditional sense, but selfish in the sense that I do not want to sacrifice my mental health and finances all for the sake of simply being able to say I have a girlfriend or wife. If I see that a woman requires a certain amount of money or attention that I am not willing to give, I believe it is in the best interests of both of us for me to give that woman her space and encourage her to go find a man who is willing to meet her demands. I am not going to explain to a woman what I am not willing to do and ask her to change. She has her requirements and I encourage her to attain them. Likewise, I am not going to attempt to mold a grown woman into what I want her to be. I am willing to accept or reject her as she is. 

A relationship is a combination of sex, money, and emotional attachment. I  am unwilling to share my money or force an emotional attachment. This leaves sex as my only reason for being in a relationship. It has been my experience that few women are willing to engage in sex without money or emotional attachment. But, many women will exchange sex for "financial support” and attention. Meaning, that for a few dollars and a hug you can “rent” sex from them. This is akin to prostitution in my eyes, but more convenient for men who are unwilling to consistently part with their money or time. And many women who act as if they have some moral elitism are willing to “rent” out sex under the elusion that it is not prostitution. I am willing to accept their beliefs so long as they do not interfere with my life. I admit that this is a selfish mindset for me to have. But I can not say I am morally wrong if she and I agree to this. 

Some women will say that I have been hurt and am unwilling to open up. I would respond by saying I have learned and am unwilling to purposely enter situations that will make me experience what I have experienced in the past. Only a fool would do the same thing repeatedly and expect a different result. But society has placed stigmas on men as being weak or selfish who are unwilling to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of a relationship. It is apparent that society cares little about the mental, physical, and financial health of men. So, if a man does not ensure his own health, who will?